Growing up as a child, I did not understand what it meant to have a friend all I knew was play, dance and shout with my neighbours, I began to understand the true meaning of the word ‘friend’ when I got into secondary school. Like any other kind of relationship, friendship can be lost within our lives due to neglect or anger or, sometimes, simply circumstances. However it is lost, we often lose a part of ourselves that can never quite be recovered.
A friend of many years who was closer than anything to you could leave and you will never hear from that friend again, such silence sometimes we take for granted and ignore thinking he or she just want to be left alone. Sometimes you have a friend and you always think and know you would never be separated. Maybe you thought wrong because the wind of life could blow you to a different destination, and give you a different situation which keeps you in silence. And when our statuses change, we then forget those we used to share our pains and laughter with.
There are so many stories I still want to tell and share, and I long for my lost friends.
There are many tears I left not shed, because I had no shoulder to cry on. I miss our long talks and gossips, our hilarious laughter’s and naughty jokes on people .
I thought we would forever be best of friends. When one fell to the ground the other one was there to help her back up. We healed our broken hearts with a hug and a gentle smile. We stayed up most nights watching movies and giggling like little girls while having midnight talks and of course we only had to gist about the guys we fancied. We never thought we would one day say our good-byes only for it to become the very last. I never thought that the usual hug would be the very last. I took you for granted and thought you were always there and alas too late you were already gone. I have searched for you and hope to find you someday.
To all my friends, kindly check up on your other friends, for you may not know if they might still be in existence. Your change in status is not an excuse to neglect and ignore those who stood by you during trying times, for no one knows the direction of the wind of Life, from where it comes and where it will take us to.
This piece is dedicated to Georgina Okeke-Okonkwo, I took things for granted thinking you were there all along and busy with your home and baby as usual, but I was wrong, and it was devastating to know that you passed on to eternity December 31st 2009. It was gross negligence on my part not to check on you but to hear of your death in April 2010. May your Soul Rest in Peace.
To my lost friends. I don’t know where they are now, but I hope I find them alive and well someday LesleyAnn Kingsley, and Fortune Nsirim.
Martin Luther King Junior once said that in the end we remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Pour les yeux
Friday, July 16, 2010
The Miss
The life of a single woman is a whirlwind of contradictions. One minute she likes a guy, the next she doesn’t; one day she has so much money in the bank, the next she is looking for those changes left in her jackets ; one week she feels single and fabulous, the next she just feels lonely and mediocre. It happens to the best of us. There is no real safety net for a single woman. No fierce protector. No knight in shining armour to swoop in and scare all the bad guys away when she is feeling picked on at work. No protective cocoon to run to when she feels her inner caterpillar is outweighing her inner butterfly. She is, quite literally – single. Singular. Solo. Alone, with lots of mono dialogues in her head.
She has moments where she looks at her glass as half empty, then kicks herself for doing so. She has Face book stalking expeditions in which she scopes out all her exes just to see how ugly and miserable they are now, then feel somehow betrayed when they look…dare I say it?...good. She has really brave moments when she kills an enormous rat or changes a tire by herself and she becomes completely convinced that all she needs to do is slap an “S” on her chest and she could save the world. She dances all night with her girlfriends then ace her presentation at work the next day going on nothing but adrenalin.
She faces the condescending looks at family gatherings and school reunions when people learn that she is not dating anyone and pat on her like she is their pet and say: “Oh, don’t worry. You’re surely next!” She spends thousands of naira on wedding gifts and baby gifts and christening gifts for all of her married friends without batting an eye, knowing that this might well be the closest she will ever get to a gift registry. She loses jobs and friends and parents and lovers…and sometimes has no one but her pillows to witness her tears. She falls in love - deeply, madly, passionately in love – and sometimes, they forget to love her back. Sometimes she loves someone for years, without the other person even knowing she exists. She suffers in silence, hoping against hope that one day they’ll not just look at her, but really SEE her; that they’ll not just want her, but NEED her. Sometimes life offers her a second chance to get it right…and sometimes life just offers her a second chance to say goodbye. Sometimes even after all the hurt, and all the waiting, and all the hoping, and all the wishing…for reasons beyond her control, it still doesn’t work out. Sometimes she just knows and knows the only way to be true to HERSELF is to let him go. If she is lucky, she has a best friend to reflect her heart back and show her strength when she has lost her way. And if she is REALLY lucky, she has some incredibly brave, sassy, independent, beautiful, strong honorary best friends to inspire her to be a better version of herself…to walk, her walk…to live up to a higher standard…and to never lose the faith that someday, some way, amidst all the many frogs, her Prince Charming will emerge and sweep her off into her Happily Ever After.
And here’s the good news…for you, for me, for all single women. We are tough. We are bold. We are fierce. We are a force to be reckoned with. We face the world the single way every single day…and we don’t back down. We don’t let the idea of going to a movie alone intimidate us. We don’t let the threat of bumping into an ex stop us from going to the most fabulous party in town with our head held high. We walk a path that many married women wish to have and will never have to walk…a path that forces us to constantly step out of our comfort zones…a path that a majority of the women we grew up with and acted as bridesmaids for will never have to walk. The journey of a single woman is not an easy one – but we welcome the danger. We welcome the unknown. We embrace our freedom as the gift that it is…we pay our own way…we march to the beat of our own drum and we ask permission from no one to do so. There is a fire in the soul of a single woman that can never quite be tamed…an unwillingness to settle for less…an independence all our own, built from the knowledge that we can do absolutely anything without calling for backup and we can look damn good doing it. There is a wisdom we possess that comes from surviving many a broken heart…a shine to us from learning how to make an entrance into a room accompanied by no one but me, myself and I…a confidence that comes from knowing we are not afraid to fall…because each time we fall, Life presents us with another opportunity to get up and move up. We realize a happy life is more important than a happy ending…and that we don’t need a significant other to lead a significant life. And if one day, our Prince does find us, we won’t expect him to complete us, but to compliment us. Because we are strong. We are invincible. We are all…The Single Woman.
She has moments where she looks at her glass as half empty, then kicks herself for doing so. She has Face book stalking expeditions in which she scopes out all her exes just to see how ugly and miserable they are now, then feel somehow betrayed when they look…dare I say it?...good. She has really brave moments when she kills an enormous rat or changes a tire by herself and she becomes completely convinced that all she needs to do is slap an “S” on her chest and she could save the world. She dances all night with her girlfriends then ace her presentation at work the next day going on nothing but adrenalin.
She faces the condescending looks at family gatherings and school reunions when people learn that she is not dating anyone and pat on her like she is their pet and say: “Oh, don’t worry. You’re surely next!” She spends thousands of naira on wedding gifts and baby gifts and christening gifts for all of her married friends without batting an eye, knowing that this might well be the closest she will ever get to a gift registry. She loses jobs and friends and parents and lovers…and sometimes has no one but her pillows to witness her tears. She falls in love - deeply, madly, passionately in love – and sometimes, they forget to love her back. Sometimes she loves someone for years, without the other person even knowing she exists. She suffers in silence, hoping against hope that one day they’ll not just look at her, but really SEE her; that they’ll not just want her, but NEED her. Sometimes life offers her a second chance to get it right…and sometimes life just offers her a second chance to say goodbye. Sometimes even after all the hurt, and all the waiting, and all the hoping, and all the wishing…for reasons beyond her control, it still doesn’t work out. Sometimes she just knows and knows the only way to be true to HERSELF is to let him go. If she is lucky, she has a best friend to reflect her heart back and show her strength when she has lost her way. And if she is REALLY lucky, she has some incredibly brave, sassy, independent, beautiful, strong honorary best friends to inspire her to be a better version of herself…to walk, her walk…to live up to a higher standard…and to never lose the faith that someday, some way, amidst all the many frogs, her Prince Charming will emerge and sweep her off into her Happily Ever After.
And here’s the good news…for you, for me, for all single women. We are tough. We are bold. We are fierce. We are a force to be reckoned with. We face the world the single way every single day…and we don’t back down. We don’t let the idea of going to a movie alone intimidate us. We don’t let the threat of bumping into an ex stop us from going to the most fabulous party in town with our head held high. We walk a path that many married women wish to have and will never have to walk…a path that forces us to constantly step out of our comfort zones…a path that a majority of the women we grew up with and acted as bridesmaids for will never have to walk. The journey of a single woman is not an easy one – but we welcome the danger. We welcome the unknown. We embrace our freedom as the gift that it is…we pay our own way…we march to the beat of our own drum and we ask permission from no one to do so. There is a fire in the soul of a single woman that can never quite be tamed…an unwillingness to settle for less…an independence all our own, built from the knowledge that we can do absolutely anything without calling for backup and we can look damn good doing it. There is a wisdom we possess that comes from surviving many a broken heart…a shine to us from learning how to make an entrance into a room accompanied by no one but me, myself and I…a confidence that comes from knowing we are not afraid to fall…because each time we fall, Life presents us with another opportunity to get up and move up. We realize a happy life is more important than a happy ending…and that we don’t need a significant other to lead a significant life. And if one day, our Prince does find us, we won’t expect him to complete us, but to compliment us. Because we are strong. We are invincible. We are all…The Single Woman.
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