The Silence of Our Friends

Growing up as a child, I did not understand what it meant to have a friend all I knew was play, dance and shout with my neighbours, I began to understand the true meaning of the word ‘friend’ when I got into secondary school. Like any other kind of relationship, friendship can be lost within our lives due to neglect or anger or, sometimes, simply circumstances. However it is lost, we often lose a part of ourselves that can never quite be recovered.

A friend of many years who was closer than anything to you could leave and you will never hear from that friend again, such silence sometimes we take for granted and ignore thinking he or she just want to be left alone. Sometimes you have a friend and you always think and know you would never be separated. Maybe you thought wrong because the wind of life could blow you to a different destination, and give you a different situation which keeps you in silence. And when our statuses change, we then forget those we used to share our pains and laughter with.

There are so many stories I still want to tell and share, and I long for my lost friends.
There are many tears I left not shed, because I had no shoulder to cry on. I miss our long talks and gossips, our hilarious laughter’s and naughty jokes on people .

I thought we would forever be best of friends. When one fell to the ground the other one was there to help her back up. We healed our broken hearts with a hug and a gentle smile. We stayed up most nights watching movies and giggling like little girls while having midnight talks and of course we only had to gist about the guys we fancied. We never thought we would one day say our good-byes only for it to become the very last. I never thought that the usual hug would be the very last. I took you for granted and thought you were always there and alas too late you were already gone. I have searched for you and hope to find you someday.

To all my friends, kindly check up on your other friends, for you may not know if they might still be in existence. Your change in status is not an excuse to neglect and ignore those who stood by you during trying times, for no one knows the direction of the wind of Life, from where it comes and where it will take us to.

This piece is dedicated to Georgina Okeke-Okonkwo, I took things for granted thinking you were there all along and busy with your home and baby as usual, but I was wrong, and it was devastating to know that you passed on to eternity December 31st 2009. It was gross negligence on my part not to check on you but to hear of your death in April 2010. May your Soul Rest in Peace.

To my lost friends. I don’t know where they are now, but I hope I find them alive and well someday LesleyAnn Kingsley, and Fortune Nsirim.

Martin Luther King Junior once said that in the end we remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

The Miss

The life of a single woman is a whirlwind of contradictions. One minute she likes a guy, the next she doesn’t; one day she has so much money in the bank, the next she is looking for those changes left in her jackets ; one week she feels single and fabulous, the next she just feels lonely and mediocre. It happens to the best of us. There is no real safety net for a single woman. No fierce protector. No knight in shining armour to swoop in and scare all the bad guys away when she is feeling picked on at work. No protective cocoon to run to when she feels her inner caterpillar is outweighing her inner butterfly. She is, quite literally – single. Singular. Solo. Alone, with lots of mono dialogues in her head.


She has moments where she looks at her glass as half empty, then kicks herself for doing so. She has Face book stalking expeditions in which she scopes out all her exes just to see how ugly and miserable they are now, then feel somehow betrayed when they look…dare I say it?...good. She has really brave moments when she kills an enormous rat or changes a tire by herself and she becomes completely convinced that all she needs to do is slap an “S” on her chest and she could save the world. She dances all night with her girlfriends then ace her presentation at work the next day going on nothing but adrenalin.

She faces the condescending looks at family gatherings and school reunions when people learn that she is not dating anyone and pat on her like she is their pet and say: “Oh, don’t worry. You’re surely next!” She spends thousands of naira on wedding gifts and baby gifts and christening gifts for all of her married friends without batting an eye, knowing that this might well be the closest she will ever get to a gift registry. She loses jobs and friends and parents and lovers…and sometimes has no one but her pillows to witness her tears. She falls in love - deeply, madly, passionately in love – and sometimes, they forget to love her back. Sometimes she loves someone for years, without the other person even knowing she exists. She suffers in silence, hoping against hope that one day they’ll not just look at her, but really SEE her; that they’ll not just want her, but NEED her. Sometimes life offers her a second chance to get it right…and sometimes life just offers her a second chance to say goodbye. Sometimes even after all the hurt, and all the waiting, and all the hoping, and all the wishing…for reasons beyond her control, it still doesn’t work out. Sometimes she just knows and knows the only way to be true to HERSELF is to let him go. If she is lucky, she has a best friend to reflect her heart back and show her strength when she has lost her way. And if she is REALLY lucky, she has some incredibly brave, sassy, independent, beautiful, strong honorary best friends to inspire her to be a better version of herself…to walk, her walk…to live up to a higher standard…and to never lose the faith that someday, some way, amidst all the many frogs, her Prince Charming will emerge and sweep her off into her Happily Ever After.

And here’s the good news…for you, for me, for all single women. We are tough. We are bold. We are fierce. We are a force to be reckoned with. We face the world the single way every single day…and we don’t back down. We don’t let the idea of going to a movie alone intimidate us. We don’t let the threat of bumping into an ex stop us from going to the most fabulous party in town with our head held high. We walk a path that many married women wish to have and will never have to walk…a path that forces us to constantly step out of our comfort zones…a path that a majority of the women we grew up with and acted as bridesmaids for will never have to walk. The journey of a single woman is not an easy one – but we welcome the danger. We welcome the unknown. We embrace our freedom as the gift that it is…we pay our own way…we march to the beat of our own drum and we ask permission from no one to do so. There is a fire in the soul of a single woman that can never quite be tamed…an unwillingness to settle for less…an independence all our own, built from the knowledge that we can do absolutely anything without calling for backup and we can look damn good doing it. There is a wisdom we possess that comes from surviving many a broken heart…a shine to us from learning how to make an entrance into a room accompanied by no one but me, myself and I…a confidence that comes from knowing we are not afraid to fall…because each time we fall, Life presents us with another opportunity to get up and move up. We realize a happy life is more important than a happy ending…and that we don’t need a significant other to lead a significant life. And if one day, our Prince does find us, we won’t expect him to complete us, but to compliment us. Because we are strong. We are invincible. We are all…The Single Woman.

The Me Analysis

My fire is the fire of high summer. It is incandescent, burning, and absolute. I do not accept, except with great pain, emotional mediocrity, half-measures, or half-hearted relationships. Passion must burn within me for me to find complete fulfillment. I have a great need to be loved, appreciated, and popular. Without this, I feel somehow entirely lost, abandoned, and very alone.I am very flirtatious and I love jewelry. I have a great need to be popular and admired. Often my personal magnetism and charm help me in this, but when this is no longer the case, I suffer deeply.
I always set my standards high. Some of my personal qualities favor success but when I encounter difficult obstacles, I still have not learned how to surmount them.To feel truly happy, I would need to succeed all the time. I have the capacity to do this, but my flaws occasionally hinder me at the first sign of trouble. Therefore, I hide myself in silence and nothing I do can help.My temperament pushes me into situations where I have to "save face", which does me more harm than good.
I don't manage to be perfectly lucid, or to look issues clearly as they are. I cut myself off from others and since I hate solitude, I don't see the chances which life can offer me. In these situations my ascendant plays an important role. It helps me to extricate myself. The Lioness which I am can easily manage to straighten its mane.
With other personalities like me sparks may fly. One of the two must make some concessions to the other, and this will not always be easy. My relations may consist of spectacular confrontations, or of obstinate unwillingness to listen.On the other hand I may surround myself with personalities who will often be ready to understand or admire me.
This short, unassuming analysis has helped me to better conduct my existence. To learn to know myself better allows me to maximize my strengths and minimize my weaknesses.
The people who succeed in life are often those who know consciously or unconsciously how to make the most of their talents, their advantages, and their strengths, while understanding how to maintain control over their weaknesses.

Thanksgiving Journal

The year 2008 is almost over but will not be over until we finally step into 2009, I am going through my thanksgiving journal and I decided to list some of the things that I am grateful to God, to some people my list might seem insignificant but to me it is worth Thanking God for during the year 2008

For the 366 days I slept on the bed with both arms hugging my pillow
For the 366 days I woke up and stretched out with a very big yawn with moisture in my eyes and found out I was still normal and sane
For the 366 days I brushed my teeth and prayed to God that they should become whiter than the snow
For the 366 days I took both cold and warm showers
For the 366 days I spoke English, Pidgin English, Isoko, Urhobo, Igbo, Yoruba and French
For the 366 days I ate rice and eba with different types of soups, both sweet and tasteless
For the 366 days I looked at the mirror, put on my lip gloss and brushed my hair
For the 366 days I went to the toilet to wee and poo, both during the times I had running stomach and almost messed myself up while trying to get to the toilet
For the 366 days I farted, both the silent and the noisy ones, if you ask someone who has gone through an appendix surgical operation, you will understand why
For the 366 days I used the okada without an accident,
For the 366 days I ate Bole and mama put without a stomach ache
For the 366 days mosquito bit me and for being sick of malaria 3 times
For all the times I spoke with each and every member of my family and happy to know that everyone is alive and doing fine
For all the times I laughed at jokes till my ribs gave me some painful signals from those hilarious laughs
For all the times I travelled within and outside Nigeria and no accident was recorded
For all the times I walked the streets of Lagos without being harassed by Agbero’s
For all the times I checked my wallet and found only twenty naira when I was expecting to see N1, 000
For all the times I trekked under the sun because I was trying to save N50 to buy a bottle of coke
For all the times I went to the Bank and there was nobody trailing me to snatch my hand bag
For all the times I walked through the valley of the shadow of places like Oshodi,park,mile one and mile two at night and got home with my bag intact
For the Generator that played so much incoherent noise and gave me countless headaches
For the molue’s that perfumed my Gucci wears with their thick black smoke
For the times I was soaked by the rain
For all the weddings I attended and wished to be a bride soon
For the number of friends I made and the people who made me their enemy
For all the times I cried both genuine and fake tears
For all the assets and liabilities acquired
For all the Birthdays celebrated and the funerals that reminded me that all is Vanity

Though we have 12 days left to say goodbye to 2008
One thing I am grateful for even as I don’t have money in my pocket is to see and feel my ten fingers, ten toes, my eyes, ears and mouth intact and also to know that I and each single member of my family is alive to see the end of the year 2008.

I lost a few friends, and I am reminded by their deaths that we just have one life to live and like King Solomon said Vanity upon vanity, all is but Vanity. I am rather grateful to my creator in Heaven for preserving my life and that of my loved ones.

MY GIRL CHILD

MY GIRL CHILD
It would have been with pleasure for me to share with you my moments of victory and to describe the kind of joy I feel when I look at myself through the eyes of my girl child and see me reflected there. My desire is not to pontificate, but to share life’s experiences intimately with her generation. My intent is not to send a message or to instruct my girl child but rather let her draw her own conclusions by seeing me at important vulnerable turning points. In moments of fear doubt, uncertainty, desperation, and loss of confidence, I want her to be of courage that she will definitely pull through only if she visualizes the brighter side of those ugly moments.

My girl child, I speak words of courage to you, for the world you are in is a “Mans world”. Even if you try to forget everything else, always remember it is a man’s world. You were not born to compete with a man, but to submit to his decisions, though you are created wiser than the man. He displays his craftiness in every area.

My girl child, your birth was welcomed with great joy, everyone sang and danced because of the happiness you brought at your first cry, but I had mixed feelings, of happiness and sadness. Though you are a symbol of beauty, dedication and strength, you will often time not see the most flattering light, because of the tears that will flow down those charming eyes.

My girl child, I look into your eyes and I am saddened because of the pains you will go through when you come of age. From your puberty stage till the day of your death, you will have so many stories to tell. In all I want you to be wise and strong when the time of fear and uncertainty comes, and never forget these words, “IT IS A MAN’S WORLD”.

My girl child, when I say it is a Man’s world, you might laugh with a scorn asking me how possible it is, don’t laugh at these words, for in time you will understand why. Though we are the cornerstone of the world, we have the womb that carry’s the man child, we have the breast that give’s life and suckling to the man child, our moments of fear, desperation and loss of confidence are still caused by the man child. My daughter, I say again, be wise and strong for it is a man’s world.

What will I be remembered for

The essence of living,I sometimes question when someone so young dies.Two weeks ago a very dear friend to my cousin Taye Paul Mayaki died and it seemed like a dream cos he was so full of life. Everyone have been saying too many nice things about him when he was alive as been funny,caring and great guy with good fashion sense
The question was "What killed him?".
I was told he died of Hepatitis.

Yesterday I lost another young friend Oluchi,she was so full of life although she knew she would die because she was diagnosed of having a heart defect.
She wanted to acheive and give so much before leaving this world,and as such she occupied herself with so much activity,that you will never know she was suffering from something that could take her life so soon.She woke up monday morning and discovered he heart could no longer carry her for the days activity,and by afternoon she could not continue the struggle to stay alive,she had to go to meet her creator.

What then is the Essence of Living?
What is the essence of struggling to survive,to keep body and soul together?
What is the essence of acquiring and acquiring material properties that we will no longer have use of when we breath our last?
Why are we not satisfied with what we already have,making too many enemies over what is vain?
Why are we greedy,and envious over what others have?
I have asked myself so many questions since their deaths and one last thing I asked my self is.

WHAT WILL I BE REMEMBERED FOR WHEN I PASS ON?

CHRONICLES OF HER DAILY LIFE

She took the last flight and in 45 minutes she was in a new world.
She was faced with one major Challenge
Good accomodation
The environment was so choked up, millions and millions of people relocating to thesame environment.
Getting an accomodation was a herculean task,so she had to stay with an aunt.
She resumed work at her new office,nice environment with good working condition.
Introduction and a tour of the facility was done by the Manager.
Work was fun and sweet,but going home was a nightmare
she missed her way and was just going round and round in circles until she had the courage to ask someone for directions.
It was not funny at all
She kept asking herself so many questions most of all if she had made a mistake relocating to an unknown environment
But she encouraged herserlf, she cannot continue to be a baby
She finally got home 10 pm very very fagged out
Her mum called and the following conversation ensued

Mum:Babygirl How was your day?
Daughter:Mummy very terrible
Mum: Don't you think you should come back home
Daughter: I actually thought about that,but I need to face these challenges so that I can be strong and independent
Mum: Ok if you say so,but I would have loved you to come back home because of your health
Daughter: I can cope ,I will manage
Mum: Alright dear,do take care of yourself and make sure you dont fall ill

She probably fell asleep while she was still talking to her mum and woke up to an alarm.
It was the next day.